The Closet
by Lily Michelle
Summary: Harry discovers that the closet is not the most comfortable place to be. SLASH. Thanks to my beta readers, Kahlia, Christine, and Carin. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1:Not So Silent and an Ultimatum

Disclaimer: None of this is mine. The characters all belong to JK. I just took a little creative license with it.

THIS IS SLASH. DO NOT READ IT IF MALE/MALE RELATIONSHIPS OFFEND YOU.

**Chapter 1: Not So Silent and an Ultimatum**

Harry lay in bed trying to ignore the sounds coming from Seamus' bed. He desperately wanted to get to sleep but he kept getting distracted by the moans and cries from two beds away. Seamus and his 'visitor' were both loud tonight.

He cursed Seamus' poor silencing spell. Hearing Seamus' deep voice again, he decided to try counting sheep.

_One sheep, two sheep, three sheep..._

"Yes, God yes! So good...you're so tight."

_Four sheep, five sheep, six sheep, seven sheep..._

"Oh, oh, that's right. You like that, don't you?"

_Eight sheep, nine sheep, ten sheep, eleven sheep..._

"That's good. Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God..."

_Er, f-fifteen sheep, no, er, eleven, no twelve sheep..._

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!"

_Thirteen sheep, fourteen sheep, fifteen sheep..._

"Harder, Seamus. Faster!"

_Sexteen, er, sixteen shags, I mean sheep, oh Christ._

Harry just couldn't block out the sounds and he let out a low moan of his own. All he wanted was to go to sleep. Why did this always happen to him?

The rest of the Gryffindor seventh years, with the exception of Seamus, were all sleeping soundly. Harry was the only one kept awake. He supposed everyone was used to it by now. Seamus was always bringing people up to the room. Harry noted that Seamus was getting to be a bit of a slut. Actually, all the boys were on the, er, 'active' side. Dean would bring up his current girlfriend every once and a while. It was lucky for him that he and Ginny broke up at the beginning of his sixth year or Ron would've beaten him to a pulp. But then again, Ron wasn't exactly innocent either. Occasionally, he could convince Hermione to stay the night in the dorm. As Harry found out, in the throes of passion, Hermione's silencing spells were a bit off too. Even Neville went missing from the dorms sometimes, only to appear the next morning with an 'I just got laid' look on his face. Harry was the only one who was alone in his bed, every single night. And he was getting frustrated.

From the tie he'd seen lying on the floor earlier, Seamus' latest conquest was a Hufflepuff. Seamus always had people from other houses over. Harry wasn't sure how he did it, but wished he could. It wasn't that Harry wasn't involved with someone; it was just that no one knew. The extent of his sexual relationship was the odd grope in a broom closet when he could get away from his friends for a bit without being noticed. That had been going on for a month or two and Harry was getting the impression that his 'grope-buddy' was getting sick of being hidden. Harry wasn't ashamed, per se, but he didn't know how people would react and he didn't want to disappoint anyone.

Harry rolled over and tried to block out the sounds with his pillow. It didn't work at all. Seamus let out a cry and Harry squeezed his eyes shut.

"Oh Justin!"

How come it was so easy for Seamus to come out of the closet but so hard for Harry?

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The next day found Harry in a broom cupboard on the second floor during a spare period for a quick snog. He stopped mid-grope when he was spoken to.

"Harry, I'm sick of closets," the boy said.

"W-what?"

"I'm sick of closets. I hate being hidden, Harry."

"But-"

"No, Harry," he interrupted. "I'm not the one in the closet. You are. I despise the closet, the real one and the metaphorical one. You are shoving me back in both of them. And I don't like it. I don't like that you're ashamed of me."

"I'm n-"

"Yes, you are, or at least you're ashamed of yourself. I know you, Harry. You don't want to disappoint anyone, and people will be disappointed if you come out. Especially, all the girls who wish you'd marry them. But you seem to care more about what they think than about being true to yourself," he said bitterly.

There was a pause in which Harry tried, unsuccessfully to think of something to say.

"I'm not the kind of person who will just sit in the background and be pushed aside forever, Harry. This has gone on long enough. So either you grow a set and tell everybody or you get yourself a new boyfriend."

"Look," Harry began.

"No, you look, Harry. I won't be treated like a guilty pleasure. I have a right to a boyfriend who will be seen with me." He was starting to sound angry.

"I know that. Can't we just talk about this first?"

"We don't have to talk about anything, Harry. You have to make a decision."

Harry stayed silent for what seemed like hours but was really only a few moments.

"But, I don't want to lose you."

"Then make it so that you don't have to." He paused and looked at Harry's pleading expression. "I don't want to lose you either, Harry. But I can't go on like this. It's your decision."

The door of the cupboard opened; the light blinding Harry momentarily. When he opened his eyes he was alone. Stepping out, he called to the figure halfway down the hallway.

"So are we over, then? That's it?"

"That's up to you, Harry. You have to choose."

The figure turned and walked down the rest of the corridor and rounded the corner.

Harry called out his name in despair.

"Draco."


	2. Chapter 2: Telling Someone

Disclaimer: None of this is mine. The characters all belong to JK. I just took a little creative license with it.

THIS IS SLASH. DO NOT READ IT IF MALE/MALE RELATIONSHIPS OFFEND YOU.

**Chapter 2: Telling Someone**

A week had passed since Draco had confronted Harry and he still hadn't made a decision. He knew he didn't want to lose Draco. What had started out as a bitter rivalry had changed over the years and had developed into a passionate relationship. It was too good to let go. Harry wasn't sure if this sort of thing came twice in a lifetime and he didn't really fancy finding out.

On the other hand, he had no idea how to go about telling everyone. As far as they were concerned Harry and Draco were still enemies. It would be rather a sharp twist to go from enemies to boyfriends all at once. In hindsight, he probably should have told someone when his feelings had started changing, which was about halfway through sixth year. Of course, hindsight doesn't help anyone. Harry was still at a loss at what to do.

_Even if I decided to tell someone, who would I tell? Ron would have a heart attack. He hates Draco. Actually, all the boys in the dorm do. Ginny's out because she likes, or at least liked me. We're not that close, anyway. I guess that leaves Hermione. I suppose she'd understand the best. I wish Sirius were here. Or at least, Remus. I could ask how they came out. But it must be easier to admit you're seeing one of your best friends than to admit you're seeing one of your ex-worst enemies. I'd better just tell Hermione._

Harry left his dorm, where he'd been lying on the bed thinking, and went down to the common room. Hopefully, he could catch Hermione alone. It was just his luck that Ron was playing chess with Ginny, but Hermione was nowhere in sight. He made his way over to the two Weasleys to ask where she was.

"Check. Try to get out of that, Ginny," Ron said triumphantly. "Hey, Harry."

"Hey, Ron. Hi, Ginny."

"Hi, Harry. Don't break my concentration. I'm going to beat him this time," she said, staring intently at the board.

"No you won't," Ron laughed. "No one ever beats me."

Harry grinned. It was nice to know that amid all the confusion in his life, some things just didn't change. As much as he would've liked to stick around, he really needed to tell Hermione soon or he would never do it.

"Ron, do you know where Hermione is?"

_Way to be subtle, Harry._

"In the library, of course." Ron looked up at Harry with a confused look on his face. "Why?"

_Think fast._

"I just need her help with, er, something."

_Very smooth, idiot._

"She won't let you copy, you know. I've already tried today."

"Well, _I_ haven't," Harry said, grinning. He was lucky Ron was so oblivious. Very lucky, indeed. He turned and left the common room.

As he walked down to the library, he tried to come up with something to say. So far all he had was 'Hi, Hermione'. He really didn't think this was going to go very well.

As it turned out, Hermione was sitting at the back of the library, far away from the few people still in there so late. _Very convenient, _Harry thought. _Now all I've got to do is actually tell her._ Harry approached the table and said the only thing he'd planned.

"Hi, Hermione."

"I'm not letting you copy my homework, Harry," she said, without even looking up from her parchment.

Harry sat down and sighed. Did everyone think he was so predictable?

"I don't want to copy your homework. I need your help."

Still not looking up, Hermione said, "Well, I'll help you, Harry, but I won't write your essay for you."

Harry sighed a little louder this time. "It's not about homework."

That made her look up. "What's it about then?"

"Er, relationship stuff," Harry mumbled.

"But, Harry, you don't have a girlfriend."

"I know I don't."

Hermione looked confused. "Do you want me to help you get one? Is that it?"

"No," Harry said, shaking his head. This was going to be harder than he thought. "I'm already in a relationship, actually."

Hermione looked even more confused at this. For someone so smart she was being pretty thick. "But you just said-"

"I said I didn't have a _girl_friend," he interrupted, putting emphasis on the word girl. _Maybe she'll get the hint and I won't have to actually say it._ Harry held his breath and hoped she understood.

"Exactly, so how could you be-oh." Her eyes widened as she realized the meaning of his statement. "But you don't...I mean, do you..." she trailed off, not finishing her sentence.

_Looks like I'm going to have to say this after all._

"Like boys, Hermione? Er, yeah, I do." _That wasn't so bad._

"Oh." Hermione looked as if she wasn't exactly sure what to do with this information. "Well...hmm...this is certainly...unexpected. How long have you, um, known?"

Harry looked at his hands. If he couldn't see her face it would be easier to answer her questions. "Well, I suppose, I admitted it to myself halfway through sixth year. I mean, I didn't do anything about it until about three months ago, but that was because I didn't think the guy I liked could like me back."

"Is that what made you realize you were..." Hermione paused. "Gay?"

"Yes. I figured out I had a crush on a boy and I drew my own conclusions from that."

Hermione furrowed her brows. "But you had that crush on Cho Chang in fourth and fifth year. How did this crush change your mind?"

"Trust me. Cho was nothing compared to this."

Hermione nodded slowly. "Well, if you're sure. I'll support you in whatever you want to do. Though, I must say this came pretty much out of the blue."

Harry nodded as well. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. You are one of my best friends after all. I just didn't want anyone to know." He shrugged nonchalantly. "I didn't want to let anyone down, you know."

Hermione's face softened and her voice filled with concern and apology. "Oh, Harry. Don't say that. You're not letting anyone down. You're my friend. I'll support you no matter what you want to do with your life. If you really like boys, then that's fine with me. I just want you to be happy."

Harry looked up at her then, and saw that her eyes were full of sincerity. He let out a relieved sigh. That was one down. Only the rest of the school to go.

"Thanks, Hermione. You don't know how much that means to me. I really don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

Hermione smiled. "It doesn't make me feel uncomfortable. I'm just going to have to get used to that. I mean, I've thought you liked girls for the longest time, so I'll just have to adjust that." She paused for a moment and looked as if she were thinking. "Now, we can talk about boys if you ever want to."

"But you don't talk about boys."

"Well, not with Lavender and Parvati. They get all giggly," she protested. "You won't get giggly, will you?"

Harry shook his head vigorously.

"So we can talk about boys, then."

"Er, but you're going out with Ron."

Hermione looked temporarily thrown.

"Right, I suppose you won't want me to talk about Ron."

Harry shook his head again.

"So you can talk, and I'll listen. You can talk about other boys with me, and I'll tell you what I think of them in regards to you. Plus, we can talk about celebrities and, oh I don't know, Quidditch stars and stuff."

Harry shrugged. "Sure. If you want to."

"Great. So that's settled."

They sat in silence for a moment before Hermione began speaking again. "I'm glad you told me, Harry. I don't want you to feel there are things you can't tell me." Harry nodded and Hermione continued. "So what did you need me to help you with?"

Harry took a deep breath and started in on his story. "Well, you know this guy I told you about? Well, remember on Halloween how I disappeared for a few hours?" Hermione nodded and Harry carried on, "Well, that was the first time we, er, snogged. We were yelling at each other and then the next thing I knew I was kissing him and he was kissing me back. It was very sudden and I'm still surprised it happened." Harry stared at the books on the table and forgot he was actually talking to someone. "Every time I go to meet him, I expect him to look at me like he did before and go back to not liking me. I can hardly believe it's real." His voice was a whisper by the time he stopped and he just sat for a few moments staring at the Potions textbook Hermione had been studying from.

After a minute, Hermione decided to get the conversation going again. "That's all very, er, romantic, Harry, but where do I fit in all this?"

Harry looked up sharply and caught her eye for a few seconds before continuing, "Well, that was three months ago, Hermione. We've been meeting in broom closets and empty classrooms since then, and frankly, he's getting tired of it. A week ago he told me I had to tell everyone about us or I had to get a new boyfriend."

"So you need my help coming out to everyone?" she said slowly.

"Well, everyone's not really the problem," Harry said. "If it was just a matter of telling everyone, I wouldn't need your help, really. I could do that myself. I think a banner of some type would do the trick." Hermione grinned, picturing a giant banner proclaiming Harry's sexual orientation hanging in the Great Hall. "No," Harry continued, shaking his head a bit, "the problem is Ron. I need you to tell me how I can tell Ron."

"Do you really think Ron will have such a problem with you being gay?" That phrase still sounded strange to Hermione's ears.

"It's not the liking boys bit that I don't know how to do. It's more telling him I like a particular boy that's the hard part." Harry paused and Hermione waited, seeing he clearly wasn't done. Plus she was fairly curious to find out who the lucky boy was herself. "How do I tell Ron I'm dating Draco Malfoy?"


	3. Chapter 3: Attempts

Disclaimer: None of this is mine. The characters all belong to JK. I just took a little creative license with it.

THIS IS SLASH. DO NOT READ IT IF MALE/MALE RELATIONSHIPS OFFEND YOU.

**Chapter 3: Attempts**

Hermione's jaw dropped and her eyes widened. For a minute all she could do was stare at Harry. When she found her voice, she started sputtering, "D-Draco M-Malfoy?"

Harry reddened. "Er, yeah."

Hermione blinked blankly a few more times and then slowly said, "Well, I suppose I can see where the difficulty with Ron is, then."

"Wait. You're not mad?" Harry asked.

Hermione was silent for a moment before meeting Harry's eyes with a serious expression. "Do you trust him?"

"What?"

"Do you trust him?" Harry simply nodded.

"And you forgive him for the things he's said and done in the past?" Harry nodded again.

"Then I suppose I can try to, as well. You must know him better than I do, I suppose, and if you say he's trustworthy then I believe you." After a pause, she added, "But I can see how Ron wouldn't."

"How can I tell him, Hermione?" Harry looked at her so pleadingly that she had trouble figuring out what to say to him.

"Well, you could try breaking it to him gently," she paused, thinking it over. "Um, well, maybe tell him you're gay first and then once he absorbs that, you can...oh, I'm sorry. I'm really rubbish at this. I've actually no idea how to tell him. I mean, I couldn't even figure out how to tell Ron I liked him. He told me he liked me first. I really don't know how to help you." Harry looked crestfallen for minute before her face lit up and she said, "But I do know someone else who can help you."

Harry looked up from his lap and raised an eyebrow. "Who?"

"Neville."

"Neville? Why would he be able to help me?"

Hermione smiled a little smile. "Oh, I can't tell you that, Harry. It's not for me to say. But trust me, if you just ask Neville who he's been seeing, you'll see how much better he'd be at helping you."

Harry continued to look puzzled as Hermione gathered her books and packed her bag. When she stood up, ready to leave, he stood up as well and returned from his confused daze.

"Are you finished studying, then?"

Hermione nodded. "It's getting a little late, you know. We have to get back to the common room."

Harry nodded and followed her out of the now empty library, pausing only long enough for Hermione to renew one of her books.

When they entered the common room most people were still up and Ron and Ginny were exactly where Harry had left them. Hermione turned to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Ask Neville, Harry. Or just blurt it out to Ron and hope he doesn't have a heart attack. Or he may try to beat your crush out of you." She gave his shoulder a little squeeze. "I'm sure it'll turn out right in the end, Harry. You'll figure out some way to do it."

With that she bid him goodnight and walked over to where Ron and Ginny were still sitting. She said a few things to them, kissed Ron softly on the mouth and went up to the girls' dorms. Harry sighed. _I suppose I'll have to figure out this on my own, then, because there's no way I'm going to Neville first._

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Over the next few days, Harry tried time and time again to tell Ron. Most of the attempts were short lived. Usually, he found he couldn't get past Ron's name. The closest he got was after a particularly muddy Quidditch practice when Harry was walking back to the change rooms with Ron. They were the last two still on the field and when the door shut on Andrew Kirke, Harry took one of his many chances.

"Er, Ron?"

Ron stopped and turned to face Harry. "Yeah?"

"There's something you should know."

Ron raised an eyebrow and waited. After a moment, he said, "What is it, Harry?"

"Er...I, ah...I mean, you..." Harry sighed. He couldn't do it. "You, ah, have dirt on your nose."

Ron rolled his eyes. "Well, so do you and I'm not pointing it out, now, am I?"

Harry shook his head. _Where's all that Gryffindor courage now?_ he thought.

"Well, then, let's just go get cleaned up then, shall we?" Ron suggested, sounding irritated.

_I should've known not to try this now,_ Harry thought. _Ron hates it when he's muddy. I should've waited until after getting changed. I'm hopeless._

Harry was beginning to think he would never be able to tell Ron and that Draco would leave him. The constant worry and stress was starting to affect his performance in class. He was zoning out more often and the teachers were calling him on his lack of attention. A week and a half after Draco issued his ultimatum, Harry realized he was going to have to take Hermione's advice and talk to Neville. It took Snape removing twenty points from Harry for melting his cauldron because he wasn't paying attention, for Harry to decide. He figured he wouldn't have to tell Neville who he was seeing. He would just ask who Neville was seeing, like Hermione said, and see where things went from there. Maybe he could get advice by saying it was a hypothetical situation. Harry shook his head as he walked away from the dungeons.

_Neville may not be the smartest person in school, but he isn't stupid. He'll know it's not hypothetical._

Harry sighed and looked around when they reached the Entrance Hall. Ron and Hermione were right in front of him, bickering about house-elves for the hundredth time. Seamus and Dean were behind him, complaining about Snape. Lavender and Parvati were coming down from a staircase to his right. From the looks on their faces, Harry could tell they'd just been in Advanced Divination. He was quite glad he'd dropped that class after fifth year. A group of Ravenclaws swept between Harry and the girls, blocking them from his view. Harry looked around again. He couldn't see Neville anywhere.

He supposed he'd have to go looking for Neville, and he was ashamed to realize he had no idea where to start looking. He had lived with the boy for seven years and yet knew next to nothing about what Neville did in his spare time. Harry furrowed his brow in thought as he followed Ron and Hermione into the Great Hall. He ate dinner quickly, noticing that Neville wasn't there. When he finished he looked up at Ron and Hermione, noting that they weren't really eating so much as looking at each other fondly. Harry sighed slightly and a pang of regret shot through him as he saw Draco over their shoulders, sitting two tables behind them. The sooner he found Neville, the sooner he might get help and the sooner this mess with Draco would be over. Harry stood up and told Ron and Hermione he was going for a walk, shooting a pointed look at Hermione.

"You might want to try the greenhouses," she said. "Neville told me they're particularly calming at this time of day."

Harry nodded; glad to have somewhere to start looking. "Thanks, I'll try there." He smiled at her gratefully. If Neville knew what the greenhouses were like at this time, he probably went there at this time, so that's where Harry would start.


	4. Chapter 4: Neville

Disclaimer: None of this is mine. The characters all belong to JK. I just took a little creative license with it.

THIS IS SLASH. DO NOT READ IT IF MALE/MALE RELATIONSHIPS OFFEND YOU.

**Chapter 4: Neville**

Harry opened the door of Greenhouse One cautiously. He didn't want to disturb any of the plants, even though the least dangerous of the plants were in Greenhouse One.

"Neville?" Harry called. "It's Harry. Are you here? I need to talk to you."

For a moment, Harry thought he was alone, until Neville's dark haired head popped out from behind a row of plants.

"I'm here, Harry. I wasn't expecting you. What can I help you with?"

Harry frowned slightly. It sounded like Neville was expecting someone else. "Am I interrupting something? Were you waiting for someone else? Should I leave?" he asked.

Neville shrugged. "I was waiting, but they're not here yet. You can stay. What is it you wanted to talk to me about?"

Harry looked down at his feet, a little unsure of where to start. "Well, er, I sort of need help with something and Hermione said you could help me."

Neville's brow wrinkled in confusion. "Hermione sent you to _me_ for help?"

"Yeah, er, she didn't know how to help me. She said you might."

Now, Neville looked completely flabbergasted. "She thought _I_ could help you when _she_ couldn't?"

Harry shrugged. "That's what she said. She said I should ask you who you're seeing and I'd understand why."

Neville's shocked look faded and he smirked a very un-Neville-ish, knowing smirk. It was actually more reminiscent of Draco than anyone else.

"Do you want to know, then?"

Harry looked up at him. "Do I want to know what?"

Neville's smirk grew. "Who I'm seeing, of course."

"Er, sure."

Neville turned to one of the plants on the table in front of him and in a calm voice, as if he were talking about the weather, he said, "Blaise."

Harry's eyed widened immensely. "Blaise?" he said, in an oddly high voice. "As in Blaise Zabini? Blaise Zabini, the Slytherin? Blaise Zabini, the boy?"

Neville nodded. "Yeah."

Harry was silent for a few seconds, before laughing lightly. "Now I get it. Oh, Hermione. You're brilliant."

Neville frowned. "Do you have a problem with my boyfriend, Harry?"

Harry sobered immediately. "No, not at all, Neville. I just understand why you can help me. How did you do that?"

Neville looked genuinely confused. "Do what?"

"How did you say that? How did you say Blaise was your boyfriend so easily?" Harry had an eager look on his face.

"Er, I just, you know, said it." Neville looked a bit thrown at Harry's interest. "It's not like I'm ashamed of him, or anything. Why do you want to know?"

"Because, I don't know how to do it. Don't you think it's a big deal?"

Neville raised an eyebrow. "No, it's not. Blaise is my boyfriend, full stop. There's no reason for me to skirt around the issue."

Harry looked confused. "But you didn't tell anyone. If you're keeping it a secret, why did you just tell me?"

Neville shook his head. "I'm not keeping it a secret. I'm keeping it private. There's a difference, Harry. Nobody asked, except you and Hermione, so I'm not going about telling everyone. If someone wants to know, I'll tell but I'm not going to parade around with a sign or anything. It's my own private business." He paused. "I don't see how any of this is relevant to you, though. I thought you needed my help with something."

Harry nodded. "I do. I need to be able to do that. What you just did."

Neville looked at him out of the corner of his eye, still working on the plant in front of him. "I'm not really following, Harry. Could you be a little more specific?"

Harry sighed. "I need you to tell me how I can do what you just did. You know, how I can tell people I have a boyfriend. As opposed to the girlfriend they're all expecting."

Neville looked up from his plant and looked straight into Harry's eyes. "Are you gay, Harry?" he asked levelly.

"Well, er, yeah," Harry said, dropping his gaze and scuffing his shoe on the floor.

Neville frowned. "You don't seem very sure, Harry. How can you tell other people if you can't even say it?"

Harry looked at Neville in surprise. "I did say it."

Neville gave him a pointed look. "Leave out the 'well, er' and then I'll believe you. Say it like you're proud of it, Harry, not like it's some dirty little secret. It's who you are. You shouldn't be ashamed."

Harry scowled at Neville and stuck his chin out. "I'm not ashamed."

"Good. Say it, then. Tell me."

Harry looked Neville right in the eye, determined to prove him wrong. "I am gay, Neville." He said every word as if it were its own sentence. _Just try and doubt me now, Longbottom._

Neville smiled. "That's right, mate. You are. See, it's not so hard to say."

Harry blinked, feeling a little dazed. He shook his head a bit, to rid it of the feeling. It couldn't be that easy. It seemed that easy, but he knew it couldn't be. He opened his mouth to say so, when he heard the creak of the door behind him.

Blaise Zabini's blond head popped in around the door.

"Nev? Are you here?"

Neville smiled widely. "I'm over here, Blaise. By the Abyssinian shrivelfig."

Blaise looked over, and his usual Slytherin smirk was replaced by a grin as wide as Neville's. "Oh," he said, spotting Harry as he came in completely and shut the door behind him. "You didn't say you were bringing friends."

Neville shrugged. "I wasn't. Harry just came and found me. He was actually telling me something." Blaise narrowed his eyes slightly at Harry. Neville chuckled. "Nothing like that, love. He just wanted advice for something."

Harry didn't want to cause undue trouble for Neville so he thought it best to back Neville up. "I'm not trying to steal your boyfriend, Blaise. Don't worry." Then, with a wave for Neville and a nod for Blaise he started to head for the door. "I'll just leave you two alone, then. Thanks for the tip, Neville. I'll keep it in mind." _Yes, I'll remember I'm not ashamed._ "See you later."

He had his hand on the doorknob when Blaise's voice stopped him. "Oh, by the way Potter, Draco Malfoy gave me a message to pass to you through Neville, but as you're here I might as well tell you."

There was a pause and Harry held his breath. Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore. "Well, what is it?" he spat out.

Blaise smirked that trademark Slytherin smirk. "He said you've got two days and he said you'd know what that means. Do you?"

Harry let out the breath he'd been holding. "Yeah. Yeah, I know what he means," he said in a resigned voice. Two days just wasn't long enough. "Is that it?"

"He said there'd be no room for negotiation."

"Yeah," Harry muttered, "I'd figured that."

He opened the door and as he was closing it he distinctly heard the voices start up.

"Finally," said Blaise, "I thought he'd never leave."

Neville's low chuckle drifted through the rapidly narrowing gap. "C'mere, you."

With a sigh, Harry shut the door all the way. Whatever came next was their private business. Harry just wished he could have that.


	5. Chapter 5: Time's Up

Disclaimer: None of this is mine. The characters all belong to JK. I just took a little creative license with it.

THIS IS SLASH. DO NOT READ IT IF MALE/MALE RELATIONSHIPS OFFEND YOU.

**Chapter 5: Time's Up**

Though Harry did make a step in the right direction with Neville, telling someone who is already gay that you are too is one thing. Telling someone who is straight and also your best friend that you're gay is a horse of a different colour. Harry still couldn't bring himself to tell Ron. He tried but the words just wouldn't come out.

Two days after talking to Neville, Harry and the other Gryffindors had Potions with the Slytherins first thing in the morning. Harry was dreading it. But today he had a whole new reason to hate Mondays. He hadn't told Ron yet and this was the day Draco had deigned his last chance.

The trio left the Great Hall early at Harry's insistence. Harry wanted to get there early and perhaps talk to Draco about getting more time. The three of them had just rounded the last corner before the Potions room when they heard a voice from behind them.

"Potter, a word?"

Harry turned around to see Draco leaning coolly against a statue, halfway down the hall they had just passed through.

Ron scowled. "Shove off, Malfoy."

Hermione glanced quickly from Ron to Harry to Draco and back to Harry.

Harry, for his part, was concentrating on Draco so much, that he didn't even hear Ron's comment. He was too busy trying to decipher the strange look in Draco's eyes. Draco was difficult to read at the best of times, but Harry thought he'd become pretty good at it in the three months since they'd become...whatever they were. At the moment, Harry saw the façade of hatred and behind it, something that confused him. There was that look that was akin to love, or at least deep liking, which Draco had when he and Harry were alone, but there was also disappointment, sadness and...regret? Harry wasn't sure of the last one. He'd never seen Draco look regretful before. Harry was sure that whatever the look was it didn't bode well for him.

Draco raised an eyebrow at Ron. "Well that's original, Weasley. But I wasn't speaking to you, was I?" He turned to face Harry again. "Potter?"

Harry just looked at him for a minute before nodding slowly.

"Harry," Ron cried. "You can't just go with this guy. He'll probably hex you or something."

Harry looked at Ron, who was looking at him like he'd grown another head. "It's all right, Ron. I can handle myself. I'll catch up with you."

Then he turned to Draco and walked towards him. Hermione grabbed Ron's arm and started pulling him away from Harry and Draco. Ron went reluctantly, but not without yelling his final advice over his shoulder.

"Don't turn your back to him, Harry."

_I don't intend to,_ Harry thought. _I'm not letting him go._

Draco led the way to a smaller corridor just off the main one. Once they were out of hearing distance, Draco stopped and turned to face Harry. Neither boy said anything for a few moments, both reluctant to start the conversation they both knew was coming.

Eventually, Draco cleared his throat. "Have you done it, Harry?"

Harry tore his gaze from the ground and looked up into Draco's eyes. "Kind of."

Draco raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow. "Kind of? Either you told your friends or you didn't."

Harry looked back down at his hands. "Well, I told a couple of people..." he trailed off, unable to keep going.

"Did you tell Weasley?"

"No." Harry's voice was so soft that he himself could hardly hear it.

Taking a quick glance up through his lashes, Harry saw Draco's face, demeanour and poise crumble slightly before he regained control.

He cleared his throat again before responding. "Then you and I have nothing more to talk about."

Harry wasn't sure but it seemed that Draco's voice was a little thick. The other boy calmly started walking past him and Harry panicked. He couldn't let Draco go.

"Wait," he said, grabbing Draco's arm. "I told Hermione. A-and I told Neville I was seeing someone." Harry knew he was grasping at straws with that.

"But you didn't tell Weasley." That was more of a statement than a question.

"No."

"Then there's nothing left to talk about. We're through."

Harry could feel his face contort with hurt and pain but he didn't care anymore. "But I need you," he said softly.

"I'm sorry, Harry. But this is the way things have to be."

Draco didn't even look at Harry as he said that and at the same time, broke out of the grip on his arm. Without a backwards glance, he strode down the corridor, leaving Harry to collect what was left of his dignity.

When Harry finally started walking back to class, he found Draco waiting outside the door. Harry looked up hopefully but there was no sign that Draco had changed his mind. He was simply waiting for Harry to go back in. Harry sighed and sadly opened the door, with Draco right behind.

"Mr. Potter, you're late," Snape barked. "Ten points from Gryffindor."

Harry sighed internally, but didn't respond outwardly. It didn't matter anyway.

"And who's that behind you?" Snape said, not seeing Malfoy clearly since Harry was the taller one. "They're late as well. Ten points from them."

Harry stepped aside, and Snape's eyes widened as he recognized Draco.

"M-Mr. Malfoy?" Snape said, rather disbelievingly. "I expected better from you," he added when he'd recovered himself.

"Potter and I were just having a word," Draco explained as he gracefully took his seat. "Don't worry, Professor. It won't happen again." He shot a quick significant glance at Harry, emphasizing the double meaning.

_He doesn't ever want to talk to me, again, _Harry thought. _I really fucked this up._

Hermione looked at Harry from her seat beside him but he cut her off before she could say anything. "Don't," he whispered. "It's over."

"For good?" she whispered back, looking to make sure Ron wasn't listening.

"For good," Harry assured her. "We're done."

"I'm sorry," she said, giving Harry's hand a quick squeeze before turning her attention to Snape.

Harry sighed quietly and tried to pay attention as well. That plan didn't work very well, though. He was so caught up in thinking about Draco, or trying to sneak glances at Draco that he fouled up his potion royally. It was supposed to be a pearly pink colour, like Hermione's, but Harry's came out a dark purple. When Snape came over, he sneered and insulted Harry, as usual.

"What is this sludge, Potter? Because it can't possibly be the potion I asked you to make."

Harry lowered his eyes to the ground. He didn't even have the energy to get angry. "It is, Professor," he said quietly.

"This is a complete failure, Potter. _Evanesco._" The contents of Harry's cauldron disappeared, and Harry didn't even care. Snape sneered at Harry again. "Longbottom could have made a better potion, Potter."

At this point, Harry looked up at the Potions Master. "Neville can do a lot of things better than me," he said, still keeping his voice low.

Snape seemed at a loss before he decided to just pretend he hadn't heard. He swept back to the front of the classroom and Harry once again looked down at his empty cauldron. For a split second, he caught the confused look in Draco's eyes before the other boy looked away.

When class was over, Harry picked up his bag and walked out of the class without saying a word to Ron or Hermione. His friends hurried to catch up with him but he just kept on walking.

"Oi, Harry!" Ron called. "Where are you going?"

Harry stopped and slowly turned around. "For a walk," he said without expression.

Ron stopped and Harry heard him growl, "Malfoy, what did you do to him?"

Before he turned the corner a dazed voice drifted back to him.

"I don't know."


	6. Chapter 6: The Showdown

Disclaimer: None of this is mine. The characters all belong to JK. I just took a little creative license with it.

THIS IS SLASH. DO NOT READ IT IF MALE/MALE RELATIONSHIPS OFFEND YOU.

**Chapter 6: The Showdown**

Harry went through the motions of living that week. There was a gaping hole in his life and he just couldn't muster the energy to do anything properly. He ate, but he didn't enjoy the food. He did his homework and took notes, but he didn't learn anything. He played Quidditch, but everyone could see his heart wasn't in it.

After practice one day, Ron fell into place beside him on the way back to the locker rooms.

"What's wrong, mate?" Ron asked. "You weren't up to your usual standard today. Is something bothering you?"

Harry looked at his friend out of the corner of his eye. What he really wanted to do was tell the truth.

He wanted to say, 'Yes, Ron. I lost the person that I might be in love with. I lost the only person I feel like I can truly be myself with. The only person who I don't have to lie to. The one person I don't have to pretend to be strong for. Because he doesn't expect me to know how to save the wizarding world. But I've lost him, and it's all your fault, because you hate him and it's killing me inside.'

He knew he couldn't and shouldn't say that, so instead he lied.

"Nothing's wrong. Just a little tired today, is all."

Ron looked unconvinced but he just nodded and went in to shower. Just like Harry knew he would. Ron never did push anything.

Hermione was another story. She knew the problem and took every chance to tell Harry what he should do.

On the Thursday after his break up, Harry was sitting in the library with Hermione, trying to finish a Care of Magical Creatures essay on Garden Gnomes. Ron had already finished his, seeing as he knew so much about Garden Gnomes from the ones in his own garden. Hermione, of course, was finishing up an essay for Charms that wasn't due for another two weeks.

Harry was just finishing up a paragraph on the hygiene of Gnomes when Hermione leaned over the table and tapped his shoulder.

Harry looked up at her and she whispered, "You know, if you just tell him, Harry, Malfoy will probably take you back."

Harry frowned. "I don't want to talk about this, Hermione."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Ignoring how you feel won't make it go away. Everyone can tell you want him back. I heard some Hufflepuffs trying to guess which lucky girl had broken your heart."

Harry cringed at the assumption. It wasn't a girl, but everyone expected it to be, especially Ron.

"Look, it doesn't matter what I want. He doesn't want me back. It's that simple. So just drop it."

Hermione hesitated. She knew she was right. Hell, Harry knew she was right. If he just told Ron, then he might have a chance with Draco. But it was easier to believe he didn't. That way he wouldn't have to tell Ron.

"Harry, I didn't want to tell you this, but you really should know."

She paused and Harry filled the silence. "What is it, Hermione?"

"Well, you weren't at dinner today and I suppose you haven't heard what happened."

Harry nodded and she continued, "Okay, I guess I'll have to tell you, then. It was right after the puddings appeared. I was just glancing around the Hall, you know, and I saw Pansy absolutely hanging off Malfoy. He looked really, really irritated, so I kept watching. She said something and that just set him off. He jumped up out of his seat and yelled, 'How many times do I have to tell you, Pansy? I like boys. Not girls, not you, but boys.' Then he stormed right out of the Great Hall. So he's officially out of the closet."

Harry blinked. No one had ever come out in such a loud and public way. Leave it to Draco to make a scene. "How did everybody react?" he eventually asked.

"Everybody was pretty shocked. I think I saw a few Ravenclaw girls burst into tears. There were definitely a couple of Slytherin girls crying. Justin, Terry and Seamus looked pretty happy though."

Harry's head snapped back up from his homework. "Happy?"

"Well, they _are_ boys, Harry. And they like boys too. I know you think Malfoy's attractive so is it really that hard to think that they might think the same thing?"

Harry felt a pang in his gut. He recognized it immediately as jealousy. He hated the feeling. He knew he had no right to be jealous.

"Look, Harry," Hermione said, "it doesn't matter what they think, all right? If you just tell Ron, I'm sure you can get Malfoy back. He wouldn't have gone out with you in the first place if he didn't like you more than those other boys. Just tell Ron how you feel."

Harry scowled. He hated it when Hermione sounded so logical and right about something Harry was deliberately trying to avoid doing. She almost made him want to tell Ron. If she kept this up, his resolve would break.

"I really don't want to talk about this, Hermione. Let's just do our homework, okay?"

Hermione, never one to pass up homework, dropped the subject and went back to her Charms paper.

But Harry found he couldn't go back to his homework. His concentration was shot. _What if Draco gets asked out now? What if someone else gets him? How will I be able to look at him with someone else?_

llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Harry was on edge for all of Friday and Saturday. He just kept waiting for Draco to walk into the Great Hall with another boy. He wondered idly what he'd do if that happened, but he needn't have worried. Every time Draco arrived anywhere that Harry was, he always came alone or with Crabbe and Goyle.

Harry knew better than to assume they were tolerant of Draco's sexual orientation. In fact, Draco had explicitly told him once that both Crabbe and Goyle wouldn't like it because their fathers had told them not to. Harry guessed that Draco's two henchmen were just too thick to understand. Besides, Draco probably told them something to confuse them even more. He had no scruples about lying to them.

Harry spent most of Saturday in the library, burying himself in tomes and parchment in an attempt to avoid talking to Ron or Hermione about his gloomy mood. Hermione sat right across from him and dove headfirst into a 3297-page book called _Magic and Shakespeare: The Bard or the Squib_. She'd found it in the Muggle studies section two days before and she was already three-quarters of the way through. Ron had stood open-mouthed for a moment or two when Harry had first suggested studying but he picked up his books and dutifully followed them to the library. Of course, all the way down he muttered things like 'better do bloody exciting things tomorrow' and 'he's turning into a bloody nerd'.

Harry, for his part, tried to ignore both of them and just do his work. However, he had to make a conscious effort not to look up every time the library doors opened. He knew Draco never came into the library on Saturdays.

After dinner, even Hermione firmly claimed they'd spent enough time in the library for one day and Harry couldn't avoid the common room any longer. Once they were through the portrait hole, the trio threw themselves on the sofas in front of the fire. Hermione opened her mouth to say something but Harry cut her off.

"Want to play some chess, Ron?"

Ron eyes lit up and he sat up straight. "Yeah! I'll just go up for our sets then."

Harry nodded and Ron bounded up to their dorm. Unfortunately, this left Harry and Hermione alone.

"So Harry, are you going to tell him?"

Harry scowled at her. "No, I'm not. Would you let it go?"

"Harry, if you're going to be miserable, why don't you just tell him."

"I'M NOT-" he yelled, before realizing he was starting to attract attention and lowered his voice. "I'm not miserable," he hissed. "Look Ron's going to be back soon so just leave it."

"Look Harry, you're going to have to tell him you fancy boys eventually so why don't you do it? It can't hurt. Why don't you just try it?"

"Try what?" said Ron from behind Harry.

He looked normal so Harry assumed that was all he heard.

Hermione sent him a pointed look which clearly said _Now's your chance_

Instead, he forced a laugh and grinned at Ron. "You know Hermione. She's trying to get me to read _Hogwarts: A History_ again."

Ron laughed. "Hermione, we'll never read that book. Just accept it."

Hermione gave a tight smile. She was obviously disappointed that Harry hadn't said anything. "Yes, how silly of me to think you might want to take a chance at it."

Harry cringed inwardly at the double meaning. He just really didn't want to risk Ron being mad, for a relationship that didn't even exist anymore.

The rest of the night passed relatively normally. Dean joined them for a game of Exploding Snap, Seamus was off somewhere with his latest, and Neville had borrowed Harry's invisibility cloak for some reason. As the night wore on, the common room slowly started emptying. Eventually, only Harry, Ron, and Dean were left. Just before curfew, Neville came through the portrait hole, completely visible, and declared he was going to bed. The other boys soon followed, deciding not to wait for Seamus.

As Harry lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, he contemplated Draco. Would there be a chance for them if Harry told Ron about it? Harry wasn't really sure. After a while of thinking and turning the questions over and over his head began to hurt. He took a deep breath and listened to the night sounds to calm him. Outside, he could hear the hooting of owls flying by. Inside, light snoring drifted from Ron's bed beside Harry's.

Surprisingly, Harry couldn't hear Neville's usual snores. _He must be awake too. I wonder what he's thinking about._

Just then, the sounds of footsteps reached his ears. _Finally, Seamus is back. _Muffled voices suggested that he wasn't alone. Harry listened and thought that the other voice sounded vaguely familiar.

"I don't think this is such a good idea, Finnigan."

Harry strained to make out the voice more clearly. He was sure he knew who that was.

The door opened with a creak and Seamus reassured his companion.

"Don't worry about it. I bring guys up here all the time. The others have no problem with it, Malfoy."

Hidden safely behind his curtains, Harry's eyes snapped open and he shot up in bed. _Seamus is **not** trying to shag Draco,_ he tried to tell himself.

"That's not what I mean." Harry couldn't deny it. That voice was definitely Draco's.

Before Seamus or Draco could say anything more, Harry had burst out of bed and through his bed curtains.

"OH NO, YOU DON'T, FINNIGAN!" he shouted

"_That's_ what I mean," Draco said, rolling his eyes, as Harry crossed the room.

The noise had roused the other boys. Ron and Dean were standing beside their beds rubbing the sleep out of their eyes almost immediately. Neville also emerged from behind his curtains shortly after to witness the spectacle.

Seamus looked thoroughly put out at having his evening's 'activities' interrupted.

"Oh, get a grip, Harry. I bring Slytherins in here all the time," he said in an irritated tone.

"Not this Slytherin," Harry stated. "He's mine and you can keep your dirty, little paws off him."

"Excuse me," Draco drawled, ignoring Ron's cries of surprise, "much as I love having two gorgeous boys fight over me, I think I should set the record straight, for posterity's sake. We broke up last Monday, Harry. I told you we're over."

"What!" Ron shouted.

Harry ignored his friend and turned to Draco. "You were really going to sleep with him?"

Draco raised an eyebrow. "Maybe. What are you going to do about it?"

Harry narrowed his eyes and studied his ex-boyfriend's face. "I don't believe you."

"What?" Draco said, shocked.

"I don't think you were going to do anything at all."

"We most certainly were," Seamus insisted.

"I wasn't asking you, Finnigan. I know what _you_ wanted to do. I just don't think Draco wanted to."

"Draco?" Ron echoed. "Since when is Malfoy, Draco?"

Still ignoring Ron, Harry grabbed Draco's arm. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you were going to shag Finnigan," he hissed.

Draco raised his eyes to Harry's and opened his mouth to speak. Before he could say it, Harry felt the intensity and longing that he always felt, looking into those eyes. Draco's shoulders slumped slightly, but he did not lower his gaze.

Draco didn't say anything but the look in his eyes told Harry everything he needed to know.

Harry felt a surge of pride and he fought to keep it from showing. "You still want to go out then?" he asked carefully. Clearly, all his dorm mates knew so it shouldn't be a problem for Draco anymore.

Draco didn't say anything, and stared at the ground. For a minute Harry thought that he would be rejected. Then, Draco lifted his eyes and said, "Yes."

Harry was so overjoyed at his answer that he completely forgot there were other people in the room. He reached out and grabbed Draco behind his head, pulling him in for a scorching kiss. An involuntary moan escaped Draco's throat but it was the choking behind him that caused Harry to break the kiss.

Apparently it was Ron who had made the very undignified noise. He looked a little angry and still quite confused.

"Can someone _please_ tell me what's going on?" he demanded.

Harry took a breath and started explaining. After all, Ron already knew so it was much easier. "I'm gay, Ron, and I have been secretly seeing Draco for three months. We broke up on Monday before Potions and now we're back together. Any questions?"

Ron stood there looking like a goldfish for a second before shaking his head. Harry's tone left no room for discussion.

"So, are we done here?" Draco asked casually, regaining his normal composure. "Because I'd like to get some sleep if that's possible."

Harry nodded once and no one else argued so Draco continued, "Good. I'll be going now then." He turned to the door but before Harry could protest, he turned back. "Oh, by the way, Longbottom, Blaise told me to tell you that he's finished the book and he'd like to try positions 18, 23 and 87."

There was a low chuckle off to their right and when the group turned they saw Blaise Zabini, leaning against a post of Neville's bed and wearing only jeans. Blaise took advantage of their silent shock.

"You're a bit late, Draco. I've already given the book back and we've thoroughly experimented with 18, 23, and 87. Not to mention 51 and 66."

Neville groaned. "What part of 'Don't move, I'll be right back' don't you understand?"

"Sorry, Nev," Blaise said, looking anything but sorry, "You know I can't resist a soap opera situation like this."

"What's a soap opera?"

Everyone ignored Ron once again.

"You're seeing Zabini?" Seamus asked.

"Yeah," Neville said. "We-"

"Since when?" Dean cut in.

"Since the beginning of the school year."

"You should have told us," Ron cried.

Neville narrowed his eyes at Ron. "My private life is none of your business. Besides, you never told us you were dating Hermione."

"That's different! I told you when you asked," Ron protested.

Neville shrugged. "You never asked. If you had, I would have told you."

"Well, we'll never know now," Ron said.

At this, Harry felt the urge to defend Neville. "Actually, I knew."

Ron head snapped over to him. "You did?"

"Yeah, I asked and he told me." After a moment's pause, "Hermione knew too."

"Why doesn't anyone tell me anything?" Ron groaned.

"You don't ask, Ron," Neville said. "Nobody has any other secrets to share, then?"

Everyone shook their heads.

"Great," Dean said. "Let's go to sleep then."

Dean and Seamus went to their respective beds without comment other than a goodnight.

As Neville went back to his bed, he whispered to Blaise, "You put your pants back on," in a disappointed voice.

"Well, so did you," Blaise whispered back. "Don't worry, Nev. It'll only take a minute to get out of them."

Once the curtains were drawn, Harry heard Blaise cast a silencing charm and all noise stopped. He thanked Blaise mentally for his superior charm skill. He really didn't want to hear the noises that Neville and Blaise made.

Harry looked at Ron, who was still standing by his bed not moving. "Look, Ron," he started. "You're not going to be weird about this are you?"

Ron scuffed his foot on the floor and when he spoke he didn't lift his eyes. "Not really. It's okay that you like boys, but..." Here, Ron looked up and lowered his voice a little, "do you really have to like him? I can't stand him."

"Yes, Ron. I really do like Draco. I like him a lot actually."

"Well," Ron hesitated, "if you're sure, I'll just have to get used to him." Ron looked up and caught Harry's eyes fiercely. "If he hurts you, just tell me and I'll beat him to a bloody pulp."

"I'm standing right here, you know," Draco protested.

Ron ignored him and went on, "Really, Harry, just tell me and I'll break his legs."

Harry laughed at his friend's loyalty. "Okay, Ron. I will."

Ron smiled grimly and nodded his goodnight before going to his bed.

When Ron's curtains were closed, Draco approached Harry and kissed him chastely on the mouth.

"Goodnight, Harry," he mumbled before turning for the door.

Harry suppressed a laugh and reached out for Draco's arm.

"Come here."

He pulled his boyfriend over to his bed and drew the curtains around it.

"What are you doing, Harry?" Draco asked in a low, suspicious voice.

Harry grinned. "I'm going to sleep and you are too. Come on," he said softly, patting the bed beside him.

Noting that Harry was only wearing boxers and a t-shirt, Draco stripped to his shorts before climbing into bed beside Harry. Harry pulled the sheets up around them as Draco got comfortable. He threw his arm right over Harry's stomach and put his head on Harry's shoulder.

"Do you plan on using me as a mattress all night?" Harry teased quietly.

"Yes," Draco said sleepily. "Do you mind?

"Not at all."

"Good."

"Goodnight, Draco."

"Goodnight, Harry."

Harry stayed awake until Draco's breathing slowed. When he was sure Draco was sleeping, Harry brushed some blond hair off his forehead and kissed it softly.

"I love you, Draco," he whispered.

As he drifted off to sleep Harry thought, _I guess telling wasn't so hard after all._ He looked at Draco's sleeping visage through half-closed eyes. _It was definitely worth it._


End file.
